My toddler has left to stay the night with his great grandparents, making that five thirty arrival time at the hospital a lot easier to achieve (which will be happening in six hours, initiate panic mode cleaning!) Per my son leaving the only noise is the vacuum, a loud stomping from the upstairs neighbors to stop vacuuming, and the slightly manic/anxious mommy to be ordering a wonderful, tired, night shift working daddy to help with last minute cleaning and organizing before laying down and trying to sleep.
My alarm is set. And then a second alarm is set (just in case first alarm doesn't go off. Need. To. Be. Prepared!) My phone blinks at me (mocking me really) as it states I will be awakened in five hours and thirty three minutes. I laugh anxiously as I seriously doubt I will be sleeping at all. Daddy has already fallen asleep as he has the ability to always sleep the moment his head hits a pillow. Quite honestly as soon as he relaxes anywhere, he is sound asleep. Not just "asleep" but the kind of sleep that initiates immediate snoring, wake me up and I act awake but I am still sleeping, kind of sleep. I am always jealous of his superman ability as I, insomnia mommy, consider it a superpower. Sighing I toss and turn (slowly of course as my nine month belly limits quick movements or movement of any kind.)
My eyes shoot open and my heart races as I jump up thinking I have overslept. I go to the bathroom and then double check the time before getting in the shower. Good thing I checked! It was only three in the morning and I still had time to sleep. Back to the bed I go, surprisingly falling asleep rather quickly, only to awake about an hour and a half later. I lay there and doze off and on until my alarm happily plays its wake up tune. I jump up and get in the shower only to remember that my second alarm is still set for five minutes after the first alarm and since I am in the shower it is going to go off and wake up a still tired sleeping hubby. I hear the alarm go off and I feel bad as I know hubby doesn't need to wake for another ten minutes. I am almost done however still peek out to make sure he is turning off the alarm as now it is getting a little annoying with its tune. I should have known. His other superpower is not waking up easily. I am again jealous (I really need to work on my jealousy issues.)
Once hubby is awake I finish getting ready, throwing on my hoodie and yoga pants and quickly putting my hair in a pony tail. After checking off my many different lists making sure we had everything, we were on our way! Sleepy hubby and anxious mommy arrived at the hospital ER entrance as that was the only way we could get in since it was so early. The only directions we have are that we need to tell the receptionist there that we are here for a scheduled c-section and she will direct us to where we need to go. OK. I can do that. As we walk up to the window the lady already looks confused, possibly a pregnant woman and man in tow with bags like we are checking into a hotel kind of confused her; (I understand, receptionist lady, it is early.) Once we are directed and looked at oddly once more from the receptionist we make our way through all the different hallways and to the elevator that will lead us to the maternity ward. Breathe, pray, breathe, pray, glance at hubby for support, breathe, reassure myself all will be ok, pray again, DONT cry, squeeze hubbys hand for last minute support, step off elevator and.... It's go time!
After we were signed in and in our room everything went by very quickly! In the two hour time allotted for prep time before surgery not much was said between hubby and I as he knows when I am nervous I just need to work it out myself and wont be OK until everything is over. As I answered all the necessary medical questions, changed into the lovely non modest hospital gown, took off all my jewelry, was hooked up to IV of fluids after a couple attempts as my veins are stubborn, all the nurses left and for the last half hour before we were to meet our second son we waited, smiled at each other, checked the camera to make sure it was working and tried to relax. Suddenly it was time! Hubby had his scrubs on and I was helped up to walk myself to the operating room. Nurse banter helped with my nerves as jokes were made that me walking myself to the operating room was quite different than my last experience in getting a c-section. I laughed between heart racing freak out this is happening you cant run even if you tried anxious breaths.
As the epidural was administered it was a little more uncomfortable getting it this time than I had remembered. The nurse that held me as the epidural did its thing joked about how I need to have one more child to get that girl (HA!!! FUNNY!) As I laid down the curtain was raised and a heated blanket that had air blowing through it was rested over my chest. My arms were strapped down and I remember mentioning a couple times that I could still feel my legs and feet. I was terrified I would feel them cutting as the internet had not eased my fears in having different stories pop up in my search for second c-section recovery information mentioned how some woman felt everything and went into shock....NOT what I wanted to think about in this moment!
As soon as I laid down I had a burning feeling in the middle of my chest which caused me to feel as though I couldn't breathe very well. I told myself I was overreacting and I was fine. The anesthesiologist spoke up "Lindsy, are you nervous"? I laughed..."Umm yes" I say (seriously what kind of question is that in this type of situation???) "I only ask, he said, because your heart rate spiked really high as soon as you laid down." I dont remember if I responded to him. All I can remember is that the pain in my chest was really uncomfortable and I really didn't want to go through the entire delivery not being able to breathe. I didn't want to panic, so I prayed. "God please take this pain away" I thought. Immediately the burning sensation lessened and I felt as though I could take a deeper breathe. There, I thought I'm fine I was just overreacting, thanks God!
Suddenly hubby was at my side! Having him there this time saying "Your'e doing great Mama" as we could both clearly hear them cutting away eased my nerves and was much more pleasant of an experience than my last delivery, which he hadn't even been in the room for. During the delivery I was more uncomfortable as I felt them push and almost stand on me to get our little bundle of joy out, who of course was up under my ribs which they had to pull apart to get him out (ouch is right). When I heard our little Westin cry for the first time I was filled with joy, "It's a boy!" everyone exclaimed and suddenly my little man was held up for me to see. My first thought was OH MY GOSH HE IS ADORABLE! My second thought was, HE LOOKS LIKE ME! After daddy cut the umbilical cord and I got to kiss my little man, my men left and I was left to be stitched up and stapled (fun, fun). The entire process from start to finish felt like it took forever! Which the anesthesiologist mentioned to me saying "I'm sure it feels like it is taking forever, but don't worry this is normal, when it isn't an emergency they are able to take their time."
After the surgery was done I was wheeled into our room and immediately saw daddy holding our newest addition. In that moment I knew I would do it all over again to get this adorable little guy. I love my sons so much and I love seeing their wonderful daddy loving them. That is something I always wanted for my children. I wanted them to have a daddy who wanted to be there for them, with them, love them, never deny them, and cherish them as much as I did. They have that. I am always grateful when I catch those little I love you so much moments between daddy and sons.
Throughout my two day stay at the hospital my pain was different than last time and seemed more manageable. I was grateful! I was told though that my heart rate had spiked and my blood pressure plummeted during surgery (hence the burning feeling and cant breathe moment) which resulted in them having to give me a shot in my leg. They said they didn't know why that had happened and had never experienced that before (always an overachiever I am! Ha!) I was also told I bled out significantly just as I had done in my first delivery and was again, anemic. Really wasn't expecting that information as I had scheduled my c-section to avoid that scenario. However though it did happen, at least it happened in a more controlled environment than last time and me and my baby were OK, which I again was grateful for.
My recovery has gone a lot more smoothly this time around. My pain is not as bad and the only annoyance is the little pain/uncomfortable moments I do have and dealing with my anemia. My iron pills do help slightly, however this is a battle I have to deal with and always have since my first delivery in 2011.
It has now been two weeks since Westin's birth on 12-30-13 at 7:50 a.m. and a little over a week since we have been home. I am SO glad to be home with my family of four! I can't wait until I feel normal again and a routine is established. Until then... I am relaxing with my boys and am simply feeling blessed beyond any dream I could have ever, ever imagined!
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